Shame Ate My Soul – My Book is Published (finally)

My memoir is finally a book. It is done. It is completed. Finished.

My book is published and is available on Amazon in ebook or in print.

It is beautiful. I used Adobe Illustrator to make my book cover and edited it and formatted my entire book myself (and is also why it is not perfect).

My memoir has been in the making for about three years. I wrote my first (awful I might add) very rough draft during Nanowrimo 2017 and wrote over 66,000 words during the month of November. This was very therapeutic for me to write because I wrote my story raw and let out a lot of pent up anger and emotions as I wrote. Needless to say my first draft was not good for an audience to read, but was good and healing for me to write. I would recommend it to everyone as part of recovery.

The next November during Nanowrimo 2018 I rewrote my memoir with over 52,000 words using some parts of the first draft but removed a lot of the anger and parts I didn’t want to keep. After editing it a couple of times I was determined to try to find a traditional publisher and sent out many query letters. A couple publishers were interested and asked to send them my entire manuscript but then weren’t interested. One publisher gave me suggestions of how to improve it. That was very helpful and I rewrote it again and reduced my word count by about 5000 words and sent it back to them, but they ended up rejecting it again. It is okay because I know I gave it my best effort to find a traditional publisher. Now it was time to self publish.

Self publishing turned out to be wonderful and was free on Amazon Kindle Direct Publishing and Barnes and Noble Press. Woo hoo.

This is my book. My blood sweat and tears… and my HEART.

My book is available on Amazon


$3.69 for ebook

$15.00 for print

I have mixed emotions about my book being published now. I am excited it is finally completed and is a book now, but I am worried.

Worried that people won’t like it. Worried that people will think differently about me after they read it.

I have felt so good for over two and a half years that living a mental illness life like I did for so long seems like a lifetime ago. I started reading my memoir and it was hard for me to read because it brought me back to where I was and the feelings associated with it all. There are a lot of sad and difficult parts in my memoir to read, even for me. I worry that I had too many bad things happen to me and it will be difficult for people to read. But the beauty of my story comes from the triumph of recovery and healing. I persevered, conquered and survived and am now living a beautiful life.

After reading my memoir, I am reminded of all the many things I lived through and survived. It is hard for me to believe it, even though I lived it. What will other people think?

I am excitedly nervous to get the book out for people to read, but am terrified no one will want to purchase it or read it and if people read it they will not like it.

I can’t say I will overcome my fear and post my book on facebook and tell friends and family that it’s ready but I can say I will be strong and BRAVELY announce my book and see what happens.

So here it is. Here is my heart and soul exposed for the world to read. All of me (almost all) exposed. When we expose our true selves past and or present, it leaves us vulnerable. So, here I am vulnerable and bare, but feel it is necessary for me to share my story for many reasons.

I want to educate others about mental illness and to help people understand the pain, shame and stigma people who live with mental illness feel and experience. Most importantly, I want to inspire others and give people hope to know that they can conquer any obstacle and survive.

Recovery and healing are possible I am living proof.

Let’s all be the living proof.


Copyright 2020 by Susan Walz of My Loud Whispers of Hope



    1. Thank you. I was wondering if you wanted me to mail you a copy of my book. I would like to since you saved my life and all and you are in my book with your Twitter comment from that “day.” Please send me an email with your address and I will mail you a copy when my copies arrive. Thanks and take care Ashley.

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Wow. You are so kind. Thank you for reblogging my post. I want people to buy my book in hopes that it will help people. I really appreciate you reblogging my post. I hope more people will purchase my book and read it. I want to try to promote my book more but I do not want to be one of those people that start annoying people. So thank you for helping me. I appreciate you. Much love, Sue


      1. Ahaha I’m probably one of those people who start annoying people. Just kidding.
        You don’t even have to ask, you have a book just tell me I would reblog. I do it for all fellow bloggers.
        And I know your story and I know it’s worth reading. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. No not you. You don’t do it. I am talking about people that do it constantly. Everywhere you look. They make comments only to promote their book etc. I am just thinking of one lady in particular and I just don’t want to be like that. She begged EVERYONE to give reviews too. I just don’t want to do that but I do need to promote my book somehow. I need to find out how to do that. Maybe it helped her sell a lot of books and I may need to do a little of it. Also, right now is probably not the best time to publish a book on mental illness with the Black lives matter movements and Corona Virus etc. Thank you againl You are always amazing and I appreciate you.

        Liked by 2 people

      3. I posted along the whole journey of publishing and marketing. i will dig out some links for you just need some time.
        Yes, sadly you have to promote your book now matter how amazing it is, and i can say this for your book with 100% surety it’s going to be an amazing one. 🙂
        Just ask whatever you want help with. I’m with you 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

      4. Thank you so much. I greatly appreciate it. I hope my book is good. I know it might be a hard read as I lived through a lot but it has an inspiring happy ending and that is the beauty in it. I just want to educate and help people understand what mental illness is through my story… You are so kind. I wish I was as confident as you that my book is good. Fingers, toes and eyes CROSSED. Much love always, Sue


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