I Must Resign…

my loud whispers of hope

Teaching full-time with children who have violent behaviors has become too stressful and overwhelming for me. You know the saying, when something seems too good to be true it usually is. I think in my case it was true.

I have not taught for over 15 years and got a teaching job. Now, I know why. The teacher before me quit too because of the violence in my classroom.  I gave all of me for three months but I must leave to take care of myself and use my coping skills to recover from the symptoms I am experiencing now. I feel a mild depression with anxiety and have not slept for three days since the last episode of violence in my classroom. The next day we had a teacher/staff meeting that went horribly bad. There was no kindness spoken or any real respect or support shown.

My fear is that my symptoms will get worse if I stay. So, I must resign because my mental health is most important. I am happy I gave it a try because some parts of it and some days were absolutely amazing. I loved being reminded that I was a good teacher and how much I loved it and I loved loving up those children even the ones who displayed violent behaviors.

I gave all of me and tried my best. All I can give is my best and I have nothing after that. Today my best has left and I no longer have that or much of anything left to give. It is not a job you can just go to. You must be ready, over the top ready at all moments for the possibility of throwing objects and students hitting others. You must be hyper-vigilant at ALL times to keep the classroom safe. Besides teaching there are so many expectations with not enough time during the school day to complete them. Plus, my broken student required all of my spare time, energy and thoughts with meetings and documentations etc. It was often heartbreaking to see what happened with the many students in my classroom.

I am done. I don’t feel like I failed. I gave it my best and I am proud of myself for all I did. My huge fear though is about my social security. Will I lose it because for three months I made more then the specified amount for working while on SSDI?

Does anyone know??? I know there is a nine month trial work period. I used that during another teaching job about 15 years ago. Since it was so long ago, do I get another trial period?

I haven’t resigned yet, but will do it tomorrow or the day after.

Thank you for reading.

Please read my poem I’m Bobbing Underwater which I wrote before this post.

Thank you.

Much love and hugs,

Sue

© 2020 Susan Walz | myloudwhispersofhope.com | All Rights Reserved

Photo Credit: Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Published by my loud whispers of hope

I share my story openly and honestly to educate others and increase the awareness of mental illness, reduce stigma, prevent suicide, to inspire, give hope and let God's love shine through me and touch you. I finished writing, proofreading and editing my memoir in January of 2019. I am in the process of sending my manuscript to agents and publishers that accept unsolicited maunscripts. I pray my words will turn into a book that will inspire and spark joy and hope in the lives of many. Recovery and healing are possible. I am living proof. "There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you." ~Maya Angelou

16 Comments

  1. Be confident that you gave it your best. Self care is very important. Praying that you will feel at peace with your decision and that you will be able to work out your SSID. My only experience with SSID is through a friend who had an issue with her SSID. She learned not to not take no for an answer. Be persistent. My friend kept getting different answers to an issue she had until she finally reached a supervisor who resolved it — even though she was told no several times.

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  2. Yes to the 9 month trial. In the past, you only got 9 months and that was it. A few years back, the law changed so it’s 9 months in 5 years, but after 60 months from the time you use one of the months, you get it back.

    During the 9 month Trial Work Period during the 60 month cycle, you can earn however much you want without losing benefits. On month 10, if you exceed the income limits, you will lose benefits for those months. You can claim Impairment Related Work Expenses to lower your countable income. If you are legally blind in both eyes after correction (glasses, contacts, etc.), the income limits are higher and you can count additional work expenses that don’t apply to those who are not legally blind corrected in both eyes.

    Also, if you wind up getting kicked off SSDI, you have a 60 month window where you can get back on without having to go through fighting for it. There are some flaky laws that may come into play.

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    1. Thank you for your great feedback. I appreciate it. So since my 9 month trial was over 15 years ago I can get another trial work period for nine months? After five years you get it back again–another trial work period? Is that what I read? It makes sense that we should. That would be fantastic. Fifteen years ago was a very long time ago. I tried working full-time at a very stressful–too stressful of a job and worked three months but I fear my symptoms are only going to get worse and I cant bear to get really sick again. I’m afraid I couldn’t climb back out again. Thanks again. You are awesome. I appreciate you.

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  3. You are welcome. Yes, you read it correctly. It’s a rolling 60 month period which is a good thing. Let’s say you work 2 months per year (January and February) for 5 years where you exceed $910 which triggers a Trial Work Period month.

    If you earn less than $910 (2020 SSDI limit), the month does not count. Last year it was $880. As long as you report any qualifying Impairment Related Work Expenses to SSA, those reduce your countable income. For self employed, it’s slightly different as they may include months where you work more than 80 hours regardless of how much you earned in addition to earning $910+ per month.

    I may do some blog posts on it as there is so much misinformation on the topic being spread on social media.

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      1. You can earn less than $910/month indefinitely as long as you aren’t working full time, probably around 32 – 35+ hours/week. $910 – 1260 is the range for being below SGA, but it qualifies as a Trial Work Period month. Haven’t seen a good answer if $909 and under qualifies as a Trial Work Period month. Different SSA workers give different answers.

        However, if you are earning close to $1260 or working more than 30 hours/week regardless of monthly gross wages, don’t be surprised if SSA determines you are intentionally staying below the limit to keep disability and drops you from SSDI. There are plenty of people who do this intentionally and tell employers this is why they are doing it. See it bragged about a lot in disability groups on social media. I am not saying you would do this. There are plenty of ways to reduce your countable income for SSDI purposes using Impairment Related Work Expenses. This article on the SSA website is from almost 3 years ago so the SGA amounts are for 2017 – https://choosework.ssa.gov/blog/2017-03-22-impairment-related-work-expenses

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    1. I hope I made a difference. I’m happy I did it, but very happy to be done with it. It was way too much for me. As an empath it made it even more heartbreaking. I just feel too much sometimes. After being done for about a week and a half I feel so much better, again. Hurray. Thanks for reading and commenting. You are one of the best.

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