One of My Biggest Regrets

Life isn’t as it seems.

Life isn’t how I dreamed it would be.

One of my biggest regrets in life is that I didn’t know Jesus sooner.  He was always there but I couldn’t see him. Maybe because I wasn’t looking for him. I was always looking for something–something, anything.

I didn’t know the missing component in my life was Jesus.

Jesus placed many paths directly in front of me that would have led me to Him. These missed paths would have brought good people into my life. The ripple effect would have been masterful.

I would have been able to handle my hardships better knowing Jesus was always by my side. Jesus was always there and sometimes I saw Him and grasped onto Him letting Him in for a short time, but never completely surrendering myself to Him.

Was I too weak, sick or damaged to be open to His mercy, love and grace? What took me so long? What was in my way? So many years lost.

I am blessed because Jesus NEVER gave up on me. He kept trying until finally I opened my heart fully and completely to Him. Since I have seen and know His mercy and grace, His love overwhelms me and gives me joy and peace.

Jesus was what was missing in my life. It was never a man, mental wellness, a return of my successful career, money or a thin body… it was Jesus. It was never seeking and wishing for people to love me the way I wanted and needed them to. No. Instead Jesus’ love is all I needed. Jesus is who I need. The other good things in life are extra blessings and bonuses that have occurred already or will come and fall into place for me now that I have a relationship with Jesus.

I put my faith in Him and I give it all to God.

The bottom line is I need to remind myself to look at Jesus. He holds all the answers and the keys to my happiness and continued wellness. Thank you Jesus for allowing me to see you, meet you, know you and surrender myself completely to you. I am yours and You are mine. You are my Father. Thank you, Jesus.

No more regrets…

Once again writing made me feel better. As I was writing this, I worked through some things in my mind that were bothering me significantly this morning and figured out what I needed–Jesus and prayer.

It has not been absolved completely but I am working on it. I need to remind myself to look at Jesus and pray. I am still struggling today but I will keep remembering what is important in life, and it is my relationship with Jesus. When I have a firm hold on my heart with Jesus everything else will fall in place.

Sometimes when I write or even times when I have drawn and painted well, I felt like I had a special push and nudge. Jesus was by my side guiding my fingers to find the appropriate keys to type the words He wanted me to say. Or He slowly guided my pen strokes or paint brush to apply the ink or paint to create a beautiful work of art.

This applies to life as well, If you open your heart to Jesus and let Him in, He will be your guide and lead you to a wonderful life. He will enter into your life and and help you see and feel beautiful things you have never seen, experienced or felt before.

Thank you Jesus. I lift my hands up to you in awe of everything You are and all that I missed without You in my life. Now that I realize what I was missing I am going to be so busy living and loving the life you have given me.

I have a lot of missed time and opportunities to make up for and find again. I have a lot of work to do to live the kind of life Jesus wants me to live.

For many years, mental illness and the use of psychotropic medications interfered with my ability to live my life fully. The pain and heartache from mental illness, a prescribed Benzodiazepine (Klonopin) addiction, withdrawal symptoms and suicidal ideations often consumed me but now I want to live and live well. I am still working on my mental, physical and spiritual wellness EVERY DAY. Some days are easier than others. Today I struggle, but I will work my way through it. Praise God.

God bless all of you.

I pray you know Jesus sooner than later.

I pray you all find happiness, peace and wellness of every kind–mental, physical and spiritual.

Be well and be blessed.

Much love,


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© 2019 Susan Walz | | All Rights Reserved




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