Blurry Lines of Mental Illness

“There is no greater joy than being freed from the captivity of your mind.”

~Susan Walz

The escape from the interference of mental illness frequencies that affect your inner being, spirit and everything you think, breathe or consume is exhilarating and a blessing beyond many.

Life is lighter, brighter and everything is shinier compared to the contrast of the heaviness, darkness and pain of mental illness. The contrast causes happiness to be happier and brightness to be brighter.

Mental illness burns nearly every aspect of your life–turning everything dismal and dark.

If you have never been held captive inside the prison of mental illness, you can never know or experience the sharp contrast that the release and freedom recovery brings.

So, am I luckier to have experienced the severe pain of mental illness just so I could know my new present joy, peace and love after surviving and achieving recovery and mental wellness? This is a question I sometimes ponder.

Being beyond blessed to achieve recovery and mental wellness does not mean that I crossed a line that I have never and will never cross backwards over again and if there is a line, it is a blurred line at best.

Occasionally, I still cross the blurry line back into the world of mental illness but I never cross far or stay there long enough to lose sight of the line of mental wellness. I always know it is possible to reach the line of recovery and mental wellness again for I have been there before.

And it is not to say I never suffer from mental illness symptoms. I have moments that define I still have PTSD and anxiety. Plus, I have many scars that exist that remind me where I have been and how far I’ve come. Stronger yet is that it reminds me I never want to visit that place of mental illness captivity again.

I fight hard to stay proactive and have not been overcome to a place that I am trapped and stuck in bondage unable to break free on my own.

Years ago, the stigma and treatment of mental illness caused me to lose myself, my identity, my self esteem and my dignity. I was locked inside my own mind where I needed outside help of psychotropic medications, hospitalizations and ECTs. Locked behind those bars caused me to be imprisoned behind more bars of stigma and people making decisions for me. I never want to lose my identity, dignity or my freedom to make my own decisions again.

When I start crossing backwards over the line of mental illness away from wellness, I fight hard not to go too far back into that space of mental illness. The further back I travel into mental illness and the longer I stay there the harder it is for me to break free.

For over a year now, I’ve been fortunate not to have traveled too far back and get lost behind the bars of mental illness–where I spent the previous twenty-five years. Instead, I fight hard to cross back over the line of mental illness and stay as close to the blurry line of mental wellness as I can so I can feel the joy, peace and love of life that recovery and mental wellness create in me.

Everyone’s line between mental illness and mental wellness looks differently. There may be no line at all but a gradual blending of hues from dark to light. As in a graphite pencil drawing, the better the shading the more realistic the image.

For mental illness, addiction and recovery the slower and more gradual the process of recovery the more permanent and lasting the recovery and wellness will be.

Good luck on drawing and shading your masterpiece–YOU.

Take your time. Go slow and don’t be afraid to erase some lines and start over.

Don’t be afraid to color outside your lines…

Remember… the more unique the art

the more valuable it is.

You are a unique masterpiece,

and you are valuable.

Make sure you have a good frame for your completed work of art–YOU!

You are beautiful.

Keep working on you.

 You are loved.

“There is no greater joy than being freed from the captivity of your mind.”

~Susan Walz

© 2019 Susan Walz | | All Rights Reserved





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