It’s not turning out the way I hoped it would.
Maybe it’s time for a reality check.
The realities, the consequences, the destruction
from living a mental illness life–
destroys and impacts everything you touch–
a nonrefundable, nonreturnable life.
I’m not what I hoped I would be.
Life is not what I hoped it would be.
Cast away,
floating out to sea–
a skipping stone,
tossed into the water,
skimming the surface,
counting how many times I skipped the surface
was my only worth.
Meaningless, worthless, lonely–
a discombobulated sinking stone
is all that is left
of the me
I hoped
to
be.
written by Susan Walz
Sorry for a depressing free verse poem, but I am struggling today (obviously). I will post an explanation soon. I have to go to work today, otherwise I would finish writing it now.
I’m feeling depressed today and don’t want to go to work. I wish I could just call in, but I can’t do that. I am not ready to succumb to that and am not that deep into my depression. It is a situational depression–caused from my recent situation I believe, so I am working on fighting through it, again.
When I feel depressed I am more in touch with my emotions and feel the need to express them, so that is why I wrote this poem. I hope you like it even though it is on the depressive side. A poem conveys emotions–causing the reader to feel more (hopefully).
Depression brings me to a place inside me that I feel more–feel at a much deeper level. It is like when I feel too much, it overflows and pours out of me into words and writing. I must get my feelings, emotions and words out and here they are. I hope you like them. Thank you for reading.
May your journey of life overflow with blessings.
Much love and hugs, Sue
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My Loud Whispers of Hope 
Oh, Sue… I’m so sorry you are going through a tough time. Your poem certainly shows the pain and suffering you are going through. I do hope that you have the courage and strength to push through it. God Bless, Sweetie. You are in my thoughts. 😌
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Thank you. It will be okay. Just praying a situation turns out for the best–struggling with it. You know this recovery road is not a smooth path by any means. Even for though for the most part it has been wonderful and I know I am blessed, I have had my rough patches and twists and turns along the way. This is just another hurdle to leap over again. I think i just expose myself so openly (too openly sometimes). I feel it and there it is for the blogging community to see…. Thanks for reading and commenting. You are the best.
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I am sorry to hear that you’re having such a hard time. I also write a lot when I am depressed. It seems that when I am at the extremes of depression and mania I am most creative. I pray that you find peace and joy and get out of the depression soon. God has helped me too many times to count and I pray that He would be with you now. Take care.
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Thank you so much for reading and for your great insight and kind words. I appreciate you. Today is a much better day. I made it to work and it helped me greatly–I felt good about all I acomplished at work. I have rapid cycling bipolar and I can go from one extreme to the next very quickly. I made it to the other side again–depression lessened greatly. Praise God for his mercy and grace. I pray you are doing well. Much love and hugs, Sue
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You put into words exactly how I feel at the moment. Thanks susan. You speak truth. Xx
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Carol Anne. Thank you for reading and for commenting. I am so sorry that you are feeling like I was yesterday. It pains me to know others feel the same way as me. I am happy that my words could reach you to help you know you are not alone but I am saddened to hear you too were having a horrible day. I feel better today. Praise God for that and I pray you are doing better too. You are so awesome Carol Anne You are one of my favorite blogging friends. I am sorry I have been away from blogging and reading other blogs so much lately but I have been trying to get my book published and have been working more (part-time still) etc. My book is a dream I need a lot of prayers for. Ayyway I pray you are doing better my friend. Much love and hugs always, Love Sue
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Writing is helpful to me as well when my depression is at its worst. Thanks for sharing the poem. I can relate to the feeling.
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Thank you for reading and for your great feedback. I am happy you can relate wth my words but I am sorry you can relate at the same time as that means you have suffered with depression. I think We become more in touch with deeper emotions when we are depressed. It is a benefit of depression. Much love and hugs, Sue
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