I took off My Anxiety Bikini and Jumped Head First Into the Pool of Life

You wanna know what it feels like to have severe anxiety?

Well, I’l tell ya.

It feels something like this…

Imagine you are about to give an unrehearsed speech to 500 people in a large auditorium. This speech will determine whether or not you get a job. It is very urgent as you are unemployed at the time. Your children are depending on you.

It is thirty seconds before you start. You are about to go out. Take a deep breath. Relax.

You can’t relax. There is no relief. The problem is you are not about to give a speech.

You are sitting on your couch watching television, or you are in bed trying to fall asleep for the night.

When you have anxiety, you feel like you are about to give a speech to hundreds of people on a topic you know nothing about. You feel this way 24 hours a day, no matter what you are doing.

Now imagine feeling this way, but quadruple it when you attempt to get ready to leave your house. You already feel like you are about to give a speech and now on top of your speech giving feeling you have to get ready to go to your daughter’s school performance wearing a bikini that is much too small in a crowd of Parkas.

That is anxiety. Now try to live your life. Oh, and wait there are medications with side effects to help ease your anxiety and depression that actually make you feel so drowsy you feel like you just woke up from surgery and your tongue is also glued to the roof of your mouth. Plus, the medications caused you to gain weight, so now your bikini is even tighter and more uncomfortable.

Depression, anxiety and bipolar mixed episodes can force you to observe life from the corner back fence area of the pool of life, instead of diving into the pool of life head first.

Don’t worry. There is hope. Life will get better. You learn to give good speeches and you can pick whatever job you want. Your bikini fits better, or you learn not to wear a bikini and wear sweats. You become comfortable in your own skin and life.

It just takes time, patience, the right medication or the elimination of medications, therapy, the right treatment, supportive people and love.

Prayer and God always helps.

Plus, a nice bikini body would help, too. Oh well. A girl can always dream.

I hope we all  jump head first into our pool of lives. No splashing or peeing.

~written by Susan Walz

Copyright © 2018 Susan Walz | myloudbipolarwhispers.com | All Rights Reserved.




  1. Beautiful post Sue. Couldn’t agree more. I’ve found that this is all pushing me to find myself in the chaos of my mind. I’m tired of being in that corner and I want to live. I’ve made so many changes I never would
    Have dreamed I would have done before. I’m becoming grateful for all of this, because it’s these challenges that are pushing me to come outside of the comfort zone (that’s really uncomfortable) and find peace no matter what. Thanks for this ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are welcome. I am happy you liked my post. Sometimes my thinking goes off to a different place with odd analogies. Oh my abstract mind… You sound like you are doing a lot of difficult, but good work. You should be proud of every thing you have accomplished. Living with mental illness makes things more difficult but not impossible. The hard part is accepting that it may be different and then learning how to best succeed despite our challenges. You can do it. It sounds like you got this. It will get better. Just keep keeping on. Much love and hugs, Sue


  2. This is a very good description of life with severe anxiety. Living with it myself and tonight being particularly hard I found your paragraph “It just takes time…” to be calming. Thank you for this piece.

    Liked by 1 person

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