Remember in September – Daily Post #22 – an important one – for National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month

“One happy day for every falling leaf you catch.” ~ Maggie Stiefvater

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Today I have made three important lists. My lists got much longer than I anticipated. They just kept growing and growing… as I went on…

Two of my lists are about what you should say and not say to suicide attempt survivors and people who are having suicidal thoughts. My third list is what you should do for suicide attempt survivors, people who are having suicidal thoughts, who self-harm, have mental illness and for people who are in the psychiatric hospital.

I believe many parts of all of my lists can apply to people who engage in self-injurious behaviors and who have mental illness in general.

Also, I have included two excellent articles written by two suicide attempt survivors and their own personal experiences after surviving their suicide attempts.

My three lists are written mostly from my own personal experiences and also from what I have learned from other suicide attempt survivors…

What not to say to someone who is a suicide attempt survivor or is experiencing suicidal thoughts:

1. That is stupid or that was stupid.
2. What is wrong with you?
3. Why?
4. Why would you do that to yourself?
5. Why do you want to die?
6. You really do not want to die.
7. I can’t believe you would do that.
8. Your life’s not that bad.
9. You can’t leave me.
10. You would hurt so many people.
11. You cannot leave your children.
12. They would not have a mom.
13. How could you do that to your children?
14. How could you do that to your mom?
15. How could you do that to me?
16. How could you do that to… (any name would apply here – even your animals?)
17. You are selfish.
18. Suicide is selfish.
19. You are only thinking about yourself.
20. Suicide is the easy way out.
21. Suicide is cowardly.
22. You need to just face your problems.
23. Don’t think about what is bothering you. It will go away. It will get better.
24. Just don’t think about things.
25. That is all in the past.
26. Just let the past go. Stop thinking about those things.
27. Just don’t think about it.
28. You have so much to live for.
29. Things could be worse.
30. Other people have worse problems than you.
31. I understand (this is a nice gesture, but there is no way someone can truly understand what you alone are going through exactly, as they are not living your life and have not lived your life).
32. That is in the past.
33. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
34. You don’t go to heaven if you kill yourself.
35. You will go to hell if you die by suicide.
36. You are just trying to get attention.

What to say to someone who is a suicide attempt survivor or is experiencing suicidal thoughts:

1. I love you.
2. You matter.
3. You are needed.
4. You are important.
5. I believe in you.
6. You are such a good person.
7. You do so many good things.
8. I am sorry your pain is so severe.
9. I am sorry you have to go through this.
10. I am sorry your life is so difficult.
11. I am sorry you have… (whatever mental illness or struggles or obstacle they are facing at the time).
12. I am here for you.
13. What can I do for you?
14. What can I do to help you?
15. What would help you, do you think?
16. However you feel at this point is okay.
17. Take as much time as you need to get better.
18. It is not your fault.
19. I am sorry.
20. Take care of yourself.
21. Call me whenever you need to.
22. Come over whenever you need to or want to.
23. I am here for you.
24. It is okay.
25. You are not alone.
26. Would you like to… (fill in the blank)?
27. You are beautiful.
28. You are so talented.
29. You are very gifted.
30. The world needs people like you
31. You are needed. You are needed because…
32. You matter. You matter because…
33. You matter. You matter. You matter….
34. I care so much about you. I care. I care. I care…
35. I love you so much.
36. I love you so much because…
37. love you more than I can express.
38. I love you.
39. I love you.
40. I love you…

What to do for someone who is a suicide attempt survivor, had or is having suicidal thoughts, engaged in self-harm, has a mental illness or is in the Psychiatric hospital.

1. Sometimes you do not need to say anything at all… beautiful and loving non-verbal communication speaks very loudly.
2. Just hug them tightly. Don’t let them go… Hug, hug and hug that person some more and then some more… just hug them and love them.
3. Let them know you care by staying with them… even if they tell you to leave. Don’t.
4. Don’t ever leave them. Maybe give them a tiny bit of space.
5. Do not smother them, but do not leave them. That signifies that someone actually cares enough about them and me…
6. Just be there with them.
7. Be there for them.
8. Just listen. Listen to everything they have to say.
9. Do not argue with them at the time.
10. Do not talk about yourself and what this is doing to you…
11. Just listen with a beautiful open and caring heart. This time is for them. This time is about them…
12. and love them. Let them know how much you love them and why you love them!
13. Do anything and more… that you and everyone else does for someone else that is in the hospital for other medical or health reasons.
14. Make them a casserole.
15. Buy them some flowers.
16. Help out with their children, if they have any.
17. Help out around the house, if they need help with housework and things like that.
18. Give them cards with all kinds of mushy words written inside.
19. Fill a piece of paper with heart-felt words of love and expression.
20. Make them a poster.
21. Do anything you can think of for them.
22. Do anything that shows them you went out of your way… just for them…
23. Do anything that shows them you care.
24. Do anything that shows them you love them beyond measure…
25. Just be there for them and love them.

Many times actions are more important and louder than words.

Let them know they MATTER!!!!!!!

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Mental illness and Suicide Deserve Equal Rights

What Not to Say to Suicide Attempt Survivors

Written by Madeline Muotka, October3, 2016

Suicide. Suicide. Suicide. Suicide. Suicide.

How many times do I have to say it before it makes you uncomfortable, before you get squeamish, before you want to run away and leave this word in a room bursting with shame, misconceptions and ignorance? Saying suicide even just once is more than enough to evoke extreme discomfort from many. As a suicide attempt survivor, I am speaking out about what I and others I know encounter and dislike hearing after people learn about our attempts. This is how you shouldn’t react when learning someone has attempted or actually completed suicide. All of the following contribute to the blanket of shame and embarrassment that envelopes suicide attempt survivors and follows those who have fallen to suicide all the way to the grave.

1. Don’t ask why.

This is the most common question I’ve encountered once people find out I’ve attempted suicide, why did you do it? The nurse in the Emergency Room actually went so far as to ask me why and tell me how young I am and that I have my whole life ahead of me. I can’t give an external reason for why I overdosed. I didn’t attempt suicide because I got in a fight with a friend, because I failed a test, because I lost a game. It’s called an illness, a chronic illness. A chemical imbalance in my brain. An inheritance of the wrong genes. Mental illness is a real medical condition. I was tired of the emotional pain I was in. Did I really want to die? No, I wanted the feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, emptiness, and despair to go away. Don’t minimize my pain and pretend that it doesn’t exist. Why did that person die from cancer? Why did that person die from a heart attack? Do you think they wanted to? It’s not like I grew up wanting to kill myself. I didn’t ask for this illness. Nobody asks for any illness.

2. Don’t call them selfish.

Another common reaction to someone attempting suicide is calling them selfish. “Don’t you realize that there are people who love and care about you? Don’t you realize how many people you would’ve hurt if you’d been successful?” When you’re about to attempt suicide, you’re not thinking about yourself at all. You’re thinking about how everyone would be better off without you, how you’re a burden to everyone, how you’re doing everyone a favor, how you’re undeserving of life. Many people compare mental illness to physical illness, and I’m going to do the same. Do people who die from a physical illness and condition not leave behind people who love and care about them? Aren’t people hurt when their loved ones die from a physical illness, such as cancer? Hmmmm, how selfish of them to die.

3. Don’t say “It’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem.”

This has thoroughly annoyed and irked me. A temporary problem?

My chronic, documented medical condition of Bipolar Disorder is clearly not a temporary problem. Mental illnesses are treatable, but not curable. As for the permanent solution aspect of this statement, this seems like the only solution when you attempt suicide. Maybe if there wasn’t such a stigma around mental illness, I would’ve gotten help sooner and learned of additional ways to manage my suicidal ideations. I had to attempt to kill myself before I could acknowledge I actually needed help and get that help.

4. Don’t say “It’s the easy way out.”

Suicide is anything but the easy way out. It’s the last straw after battling and fighting your own thoughts for so long. It is succumbing to the illness and cancerous thoughts that have consumed you. You’ve tried to fight it for so long but just can’t handle it anymore. You’ve had enough of being miserable. Back to the physical illness and cancer analogy, someone who succumbs to their cancer after fighting it is respected for the battles they endured and the grit they demonstrated before dying. Am I and others not worthy of respect for our seemingly never-ending struggles while constantly staring at the face of death?

5. Don’t say they did it for attention.

I clearly wanted all the negative criticism and reactions people who’ve attempted suicide receive. I tried to hide how much I was struggling for the longest time because I was mortified I couldn’t seem to deal with real life. Most everyone I know who has attempted suicide is ashamed. They don’t want people to know. How this seemingly corresponds to wanting attention is beyond me. There is still a stigma surrounding mental illness and an even worse stigma surrounding suicide.

6. Don’t glamorize it.

There is absolutely nothing glamorous about suicide and suicide attempts. It’s not cool. It’s not killing yourself because you can’t be with the love of your life. Sorry Shakespeare. It’s real, and what’s real isn’t always pretty. It shouldn’t be romanticized. This is so ludicrous and creates an absurd dichotomy of glamorizing something that is so negatively perceived by society. We can’t nonchalantly throw around the idea of killing oneself or saying “Just shoot me.” That’s minimizing what suicide truly is.

Next time you try to condemn me or others for what we’ve tried to do, or have done, think about condemning your relative or someone you know for dying from a physical illness such as cancer. Pretty insensitive and illogical, huh? Please respect what I and many others have been through and open the door to separate shame, misconceptions and ignorance from suicide.

Suicide is a legitimate cause of death and needs to be treated the same as any other causes of death. Death is death, a sad occasion all around. However, those who die by their own hands deserve the same respect and dignity as those who die in any other way.

Suicide. Suicide. Suicide. Suicide. Suicide.

The more we say it, the less uncomfortable it becomes.

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10 Things to Say to Suicide Attempt Survivors

by Christa Marie, May 3, 2016

After my own suicide attempt, I quickly realized few people really know what to say to a loved one who recently attempted suicide. Here are some of the good things I heard, as well as some things I wish I’d heard.

1. “I love you.”

These three words mean the world to someone who just felt so hopeless, so alone, so unloved, they wanted to die. After surviving a suicide attempt, it’s not uncommon to feel unlovable. Remind them that’s not true.

2. “I’m sorry it got to this point.”

No one actually wants to be suicidal. No one wants to have suicidal thoughts. No one wants to be depressed. People who are suicidal often feel a lot of shame and guilt about having suicidal thoughts or tendencies. They didn’t ask for this. Show them you realize this. Remind them what they’re feeling isn’t their fault, and that no one deserves to feel like that.

3. “I believe in you.”

Recovering after a suicide attempt is a daunting task. Having someone who supports you and believes in you is huge.

4. “Whatever you’re feeling right now is OK.”

Everyone is different. We all cope and process differently. It’s a process. It won’t get better right away. Remind them that’s OK.

5. “Take care of yourself.”

Immediately following a suicide attempt, survival is everything. Whatever they need to keep going is OK. Remind them they’re not being selfish, that taking care of themselves is the right thing to do.

6. “You’re not alone.”

Having someone by your side you can call or text anytime to talk to can truly mean everything. Be that person who’s there for them. Remind them they’re never alone.

7. “I’m here for you.”

Again, having that support means so much. Make sure they know they always have someone they can talk to who won’t be judgmental or harsh, and is there for them no matter what.

8. “It’s OK.”

When it comes to recovering after making a suicide attempt, everything can feel completely upside down. Remind them it’s OK to not be OK. That this too shall pass.

9. “Would you like to ____?”

Your loved one might need an extra push to get out of the house. If it seems like they just want to sit around watching time go by, ask them if they’d like to join you on a walk. If they aren’t eating much, invite them out to lunch. When they’re ready, get them out and doing something.

10. “You are needed.” 

Depression makes people think and feel like they’re a waste of oxygen. Remind them of their positive qualities. Remind them they’re capable of amazing things. Remind them they aren’t worthless.

Basically, just be a friend. People who attempt suicide are human, too, and they’re no different from anyone else.

Having a friend who understands can be everything.

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All of this information is so accurate and truthful. Having a friend and people that support you is very critical and essential in anyone’s recovery after a suicide attempt, after any loss, someone with any mental illness or any life struggles one might be facing during their lives.

Be that one very important person that makes a difference in someone’s life.

Be that one person that cares. Show them.

Be that person that makes a difference in someone else’s life.

Be someone’s hero… always remember to be your own hero, as well.

Save a life or two or three or more…

Prevent suicides. We can all do it. We can all help and… we all MATTER!

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September is National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month

I am a numerous suicide attempt survivor. Praise God, I am still alive today.

I am a Mental illness advocate and it is my passion to educate about mental illness, increase awareness about mental illness, reduce the stigma of mental illness and the stigma associated with suicide and I want to and must reduce the alarmingly increasing rate of suicides around the world today.

I continue to make a daily post about suicide everyday throughout the month of September for Suicide Prevention month. This is post #22 and if you have missed my previous ones, please check them out on my blog. Also, continue looking on my blog for more daily posts about suicide for the rest of September.

We must always remember the many beautiful and precious suicide attempt survivors and the many people who have suicidal thoughts. We must pray for all of them and everyone with mental illness every day.

Tell people often that they matter and they make a positive impact in the lives of many people and to the world we live in. We all need to hear those words. I know I do. They are important.

You matter!

We all need to do our part and do MORE. The first steps are accepting and understanding others with kindness, compassion and love. We all need to educate and learn more about mental illness and suicide and suicide prevention. Start the dialog and be a voice.

We must all make our voices heard very loud and strong about mental illness, mental illness stigma and suicide prevention. It is critical. It is crucial. Each life is priceless. We must prevent suicides and save lives.

Please know you are loved and you all matter and you make a positive difference in this world every day.

God bless you all always and forever…

Love and hugs, Sue

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Copyright © By Susan Walz and myloudbipolarwhispers.com – All written content and personal artwork is © myloudbipolarwhispers.com and Susan Walz. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author/owner/artist is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to My Loud Bipolar Whispers and/or Susan Walz with appropriate and specific directions to the original content. 

 

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