I Lost Memories, but ECTs Saved My Life

Words and scriptures can’t be memorized

after you’ve been attacked and demonized

by bipolar disorder and the treatments you need

to save your life from bipolar’s deadly greed,

prayerfully from suicide you will be freed.

Bipolar disorder has the highest suicide rate of any,

from the list of mental illnesses and there are many.

I tried every medication, some twice, most did not work for me,

causing adverse reactions, making me dizzy and difficult to see.

Medications can cause difficulties with your thinking, deadening your brain,

making you forgetful, your thoughts and memories a forever leaking drain.

ECTs saved my life, without them I would not be here,

so before I go on, I wanted to make that perfectly clear.

I love ECTs as they saved me from dying,

helped me a lot, stopped me from crying.

After ECTs, I began to function and live again

causing me to become better than I’ve ever been.

The number of electroconvulsive therapy treatments I have had

exceeds hundreds, but were necessary and for them I am forever glad.

The one problem with ECTs is that it took away many years of my life, causing me to forget periods and many moments of my life.

The lost memories occurred around the times when I had the ECT treatments.

Since, I had so many ECTs that’s a lot of time and memories erased from my brain,

and I will never get those moments and memories of my life back, and that is a shame.

I must accept that my memories are lost and that is okay and just fine.

I’m alive to make more happy memories last and stay in my mind this time.

I do not remember or have any recall of any events that occurred around the times of my many ECT treatments. I had many, so much of my life was erased and I can no longer get those memories back, but without the life saving ECT treatments, I would not be here.

I must praise God, be grateful and know I am blessed.  My life is very precious and dear.

Copyright © By Susan Walz and myloudbipolarwhispers.com – All written content and personal artwork is © myloudbipolarwhispers.com and Susan Walz. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author/owner/artist is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to My Loud Bipolar Whispers and/or Susan Walz with appropriate and specific directions to the original content. 





    1. Absolutely not offensive in the least. I should of added a little blurb to describe what ECTs are at the end of my poem. ECTs are called electro-convulsive therapy treatments… Shock treatments for people with mental illness when no other treatments re effective. You are put to sleep under anesthesia and a machine shocks your brain putting your brain into seizure activity for a few seconds. It causes your brain to seizure but medication is given that paralyzes your body so your body does not convulse or move as people normally would when they have a seizure. The seizure helps change the chemistry in your brain. They were effective for me and saved my life as medications didn’t work for me.


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