My current hypomanic mood pole causes my mind to be cluttered with too many words, thoughts, ideas, plans and memories rapidly racing and flying around inside my brain. The clutter inside my mind sometimes causes my speaking words to spew out of my mouth in a flutter of stutters, knowing then that I must somehow slow my thoughts down and speak at a slower rate.
As my thoughts race around inside my brain, I try to catch the most important words, ideas and thoughts I need at that moment. There are many cluttered unnecessary ideas and words mixed in with the most important words I need to share. I must organize my thoughts, so that the important words stand out boldly and loudly inside my mind.
My thoughts are flying, speeding and racing about inside my mind, rapidly hitting the sides of my head and bouncing and ricocheting off one side of my head to the other side and back again. I try to type out my words as quickly as my brain fires my thoughts out. My fingers flying over the keyboard as fast as I can make my little fingers move, making many errors throughout my typing process. My fingers cannot keep up with the rapid speed of my thoughts or the quickly changing ideas and topics of my bipolar hypomanic brain.
After I am done typing out my words, it is always a surprise to see how it turned out, never knowing what to expect. Sometimes, it is a beautiful pleasant surprise and sometimes it is a mess, requiring a lot of revising of my rapid flying thoughts and ideas. I must organize and then reorganize and edit and re-edit what my flying fingers typed as they tried to match the rapid speed of my racing thoughts.
I have to reorganize my rapidly typed out words, removing unnecessary thoughts and ideas, rearranging my words on the computer into an organized, meaningful, purposeful, educational and hopefully inspirational post that readers will enjoy. I love to write my thoughts and ideas on paper, so I can remember my experiences and thoughts I had at different moments of my life and I love sharing them with others. Writing is very therapeutic for me.
Today I woke up with many goals, ideas and things I want to do, finish and accomplish. In my mind I think I can get all of my ideas and more accomplished, however time sometimes disagrees with me and there is never enough time to get all of my goals accomplished. I have learned how to organize my words, thoughts, and ideas better so I can organize my life, writing and my many other creative projects more effectively. Learning to take one step and one word at time is difficult for me, but I keep improving every day. I am catching up in the marathon race of organization inside my hypomanic bipolar mind.
I will happily stay here in my hypomanic mood pole where I feel very happy today. Thank you God for my good feelings and my good day. I appreciate each moment that is good and live one moment and one day at a time, because that is what I have to do. With bipolar, you never know what mood pole you will be in and how you will feel and who you will actually be when you wake up in the morning. You never know what or who or what mood pole is going to be for breakfast in the morning when you live with bipolar 1 disorder with ultradian rapid cycling and mixed episodes paired with PTSD. I cherish every good moment and day I have and right now it is a great moment.
Copyright © By Susan Walz and myloudbipolarwhispers.com – All written content and personal artwork is © myloudbipolarwhispers.com and Susan Walz. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author/owner/artist is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to My Loud Bipolar Whispers and/or Susan Walz with appropriate and specific directions to the original content.
My Loud Whispers of Hope 
i loved reading this post. well done it was very moving. xx
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Thank you very much. I appreciate your kindess always.
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Your post is fantastic. Having the inability to sometimes truly communicate what you want (in the way in which you want) can be beyond frustrating. Thank you for showing us all that we aren’t alone x
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You are welcome. Thank you for reading my blog and for giving me such an awesome comment. Your words make me very happy beause that is one of the reasons why I share my story so openly and honestly is because I want to help people, educate and let peole know they are not alone. Thanks for letting me know I am helping some. I appreciate it very much. Love, hugs and blessings to you always and forever. Sue
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Beautifully written. Thank you for sharing. I can vividly see you typing at a rapid rate while your mind and fingers race to work together. I am the same way. Do you ever type/write something so fast that you go back and read it later and wonder wtf was going on at that time? lol I know I sure do. As I am editing my manuscript, I see how my “organized chaos” eventually created something that kinda looks like coherent thoughts. lol I think that is one thing that being bipolar makes us unique. Our organized chaos makes us unique, crazy lol but unique. Great post!
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Awfully glad to see such a positive note from you – stay this way, Sue.
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Thank you. I am feeling better right now. I pray it lasts. Thank you for such a kind comment. I appreciate it greatly. Many hugs and blessings, Sue
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Your post describes perfectly a hypomanic episode. I also suffer from bipolar 1 mixed episodes paired with PTSD. Interesting to see someone else who has the same.
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Thank you. I am happy you liked my post and could relate to it. I will have to check out your blog. I look forward to it. It does help out so much to know we are not alone. Thank you for sharing and thank you for your kind comments. I greatly appreciate them. Have a happy, healthy and fabulous day. Hugs, Sue
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