My bipolar disorder is called BI-polar for a reason.
Two mood poles
switching rapidly from high to low moods.
Not three mood poles
switching from high to middle to low moods.
That would be called
I wish I had tripolar instead of bipolar disorder.
That would mean that my bipolar would not change so rapidly from a hypomania
to a huge sudden unexpected crash of an extreme low level of despair of a deep dark dangerous suicidal depression
hitting me so cruelly and quickly I didn’t even know what hit me causing me to sometimes try to kill myself… but God said “No.”
If I had tripolar disorder then there would be a middle level in between my high and severe low moods so I could experience maybe a “so-called normal” middle land of normalcy.
I know when I am high I can fly so very high
I know when I am low I can sink so very low
but I do NOT know how to be in the very middle.
I wish I could live and stay in a middle mood pole for just a little while
instead of jumping like a rabbit from my very high to very low mood pile.
If I had low, middle and high mood poles than maybe,
just maybe I would understand and could experience just once
what that so-called normal was.
I do not know what a so-called normal is.
What is the definition of normal?
Maybe there is no normal,
but I would like to be just little a bit closer to that so-called normal.
There is no TRI-polar so maybe,
there is no real so-called normal either.
I have bipolar disorder 1 with mixed episodes and rapid cycling, but I do not have tripolar disorder.
There is no tripolar disorder,
I respectfully disagree. My TPD moves from highs to lows, to elements of rage. Just want to find my ‘normal’ so I can remain a husband, father, employee, etc is a constant struggle to find, remain at, refrain to leave and let external negative sources return me there. Get crazy trying to figure why from one to another, what moves me there, what keeps me there, what moves me on, what moves me to enragement, then return to ‘normal’. Once or twice a day or week. Never of recent of close to a month or year between.
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Thank you for your feedback. I understand the rage as well. The rage is awful. I experienced that as well. It is a rage like no other. I am sorry you are going through that. I hope your rage will become more manageable very soon. Have a happy and healthy weekend. Hugs, Sue